At some point, I adopted the idea that I was supposed to be ‘good’.
Breed into me by societal expectations, familial obligations, or my own encumbered sense of ‘measuring up’ to those around me.
This need to be good served as a guide and compass for many of my choices and decisions.
I thought way too much about what others would think of me, how they would judge me, and if I would be perceived as ‘good’.
Often this idea of ‘good’ was often accompanied by ‘enough’.
There was this deep desire to be perceived as good enough.
I let outside perspectives, views, and opinions mean too much, weigh too heavily.
These things became determiners in the steps I took and the path that I followed.
My own internal voice was one I had no idea of how to listen to or check-in with.
Until life derailed me.
Can you grow and evolve without a major catastrophe?
This question has been swirling in my mind for a while now.
For it has been major life disappointments that have unveiled and revealed me.
Layer by layer.
Each painful piece ripped away and leaving me raw and bleeding.
Forced to take long hard looks at the wreckage left behind.
This false ideology of ‘good’ was one of the things that needed to be removed and stripped away.
The striving for being ‘enough’ another.
These things are of no use as compasses.
They serve only to lead us farther away from ourselves.
I am enough by myself.
There is nothing I need to prove or earn.
And good… good is another prison that you can be trapped within if you don’t take the time to define what it means to be good to you.
For so many people, myself included, self-worth becomes tied to being perceived as good by others.
So, our decisions are driven by what we perceive others will think of us and, in this, fail to fully permit ourselves to be ourselves.
So afraid of letting people down that, instead, we let ourselves down.
It took losing myself almost entirely to recognize this as a flawed and limited way to live.
So, define what being ‘good’ means to you.
Remove this from the hands of any other opinion, perception, or expectation that doesn’t come from within you.
Next, know that you — as you are — are enough.
You, my friend, are enough.
Your Trusted Friend ♥